Spiceplays!

 

Add spice to your theatrical season...

SAMPLE DIALOGUE

(From Grimmís Frizzled Fairy Tales)

RAVEN
Iím a princess by birth, but I am bewitched, and you can deliver me from the spell. I was not always a raven. I was once a Princess. And I talk in a whisper.

MAN
Thatís some story youíve got there, sister. Anything I can do to help?

RAVEN
Travel until you arrive at a dark scary house with a hideous woman in there.

MAN
Why would I want to do that?

RAVEN
If you eat and drink what she offers you, you will fall asleep... So donít! For three days, you will be visited by a coach drawn by four horses. The first day the horses will be black, the second, chestnut, the third, white. Keep these straight. They will never ever be blue...

MAN
Got it.

RAVEN
And youíve got to stay awake if you want to break the spell, and whatever you do, donít eat or drink anything!

MAN
Iíll try!

RAVEN
Try NOT TO.

MAN
Right.


(From Pilgrimsí Feet, or, Scapino Discovers the New World)

SCAPINO
(To the CREW)
All right, now, get ready! Move all those boxes!

SAILOR 1
Not a chance. Sorry. Todayís a holiday.

SCAPINO
What holiday?

SAILOR 1
Why, itís the Feast of the Utterance.

SCAPINO
Utterance? I havenít heard of that feast.

SAILOR 1
Then you havenít heard the utterance.

SCAPINO
All right, then, move the boxes the day after.

SAILOR 1
Itís a seven day festival.

SCAPINO
Seven days!

SAILOR 1
Itís a long utterance.

SCAPINO
Youíre telling me nobody will work for seven days?

SAILOR 1
Thatís pretty much it. Maybe a few unbelievers... lazy louts.

SCAPINO
All right, then, move those boxes in a week.

SAILOR 1
No can do. Itís Sanctification Day.

SCAPINO
I suppose nobody works on Sanctification Day.

SAILOR 1
Days. Seven days.

SCAPINO
Again!

SAILOR 1
Hey, I didnít create the holidays, I just observe them.

SCAPINO
Are there any more days like that? I mean, weeks?

SAILOR 1
Letís see. Thereís the Festival of Quittance Ė seven days; Marcus Padroneís birthday Ė seven days; National Dependence Day Ė

SCAPINO
Seven days?

SAILOR 1
Four. We donít really like to acknowledge our dependence.

SCAPINO
So when do you work?

SAILOR 1
Late May. Give or take a holiday or two.

SCAPINO
Why doesnít anybody tell me these things?



(From The Knights)

HOTDOG SELLER
Hot dogs here! Get your red hot hot dogs!

ONE
Hot dog here! Hot dog Ė and political savior!

HOTDOG SELLER
Beg your pardon?

ONE
Just come here a minute and youíll find out Ė you lucky so and so!

TWO
Help him off with his basket while I keep an eye out.

HOTDOG SELLER
Okay, now what?

ONE
Now celebrate, because soon youíll be the greatest person in the country.

HOTDOG SELLER
I appreciate support, even from a nutcase, but do you mind leaving me alone?

ONE
Hold on, hot shot. See that audience?

HOTDOG SELLER
Yes.

ONE
Well, youíll be their leader before this play is over, able to command armies and make decisions of national importance.

HOTDOG SELLER
Me? Really?

ONE
Absolutely. And it gets better. Stand on your toes and look figuratively all around you.

HOTDOG SELLER
Iím looking.

ONE
Commerce! Industry!

HOTDOG SELLER
Uh huh.

ONE
Well, itís all yours. This book says right here, youíre destined for greatness.

HOTDOG SELLER
Youíre making some kind of mistake. I sell hot dogs.

ONE
Thatís your greatest advantage for public life. Youíre a nobody, without any qualifications.

HOTDOG SELLER
Woah, Iím no politician!


(from The Rehearsal)

If in our audience today we find
A benefactor (and we wouldnít mind!),
Someone whose life gains value in its living
By lending aid, by charitable giving,
Someone by whose life all our lives are blessed Ė
To you, great one, these verses are addressed.
We are afraid that you may take offence
At what is really a coincidence.
You see, in our play we show benefactors,
Good people, who turn out to be bad actors.
Please rest assured, this liberty is not
A libel, but a mere device of plot,
A catalyst, a nudge, a scaffolding,
To set in play the changes we will ring.
Why, benefactors are too scarce to flout Ďem;
We know weíd have to close our doors without Ďem!
As artists, we must always look to you Ė
Your giving, and your sense of humor too,
Because this kind of satire has no spark
Unless it glances all around its mark.
So settle back, enjoy, and when we gaff
A fish or two, please join us in the laugh.
Itís nothing but a friendly joke we tell;
Remember, please, itís on ourselves as well!