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SAMPLE DIALOGUE
(From Grimm’s Frizzled Fairy Tales)
RAVEN
I’m
a princess by birth, but I am bewitched, and you can deliver me from the spell. I was not always a raven. I was once a Princess.
And I talk in a whisper.
MAN
That’s some story you’ve got there, sister. Anything I can do to help?
RAVEN
Travel
until you arrive at a dark scary house with a hideous woman in there.
MAN
Why would I want to do that?
RAVEN
If
you eat and drink what she offers you, you will fall asleep... So don’t! For three days, you will be visited by a coach drawn
by four horses. The first day the horses will be black, the second, chestnut, the third, white. Keep these straight. They
will never ever be blue...
MAN
Got it.
RAVEN
And you’ve got to stay awake if you want to break the spell,
and whatever you do, don’t eat or drink anything!
MAN
I’ll try!
RAVEN
Try NOT TO.
MAN
Right.
(From
Pilgrims’ Feet, or, Scapino Discovers the New World)
SCAPINO
(To the CREW)
All right, now, get ready! Move all
those boxes!
SAILOR 1
Not a chance. Sorry. Today’s a holiday.
SCAPINO
What holiday?
SAILOR 1
Why,
it’s the Feast of the Utterance.
SCAPINO
Utterance? I haven’t heard of that feast.
SAILOR 1
Then you haven’t
heard the utterance.
SCAPINO
All right, then, move the boxes the day after.
SAILOR 1
It’s a seven day
festival.
SCAPINO
Seven days!
SAILOR 1
It’s a long utterance.
SCAPINO
You’re telling me nobody
will work for seven days?
SAILOR 1
That’s pretty much it. Maybe a few unbelievers... lazy louts.
SCAPINO
All
right, then, move those boxes in a week.
SAILOR 1
No can do. It’s Sanctification Day.
SCAPINO
I suppose
nobody works on Sanctification Day.
SAILOR 1
Days. Seven days.
SCAPINO
Again!
SAILOR 1
Hey,
I didn’t create the holidays, I just observe them.
SCAPINO
Are there any more days like that? I mean, weeks?
SAILOR
1
Let’s see. There’s the Festival of Quittance – seven days; Marcus Padrone’s birthday – seven days; National Dependence
Day –
SCAPINO
Seven days?
SAILOR 1
Four. We don’t really like to acknowledge our dependence.
SCAPINO
So
when do you work?
SAILOR 1
Late May. Give or take a holiday or two.
SCAPINO
Why doesn’t anybody tell me
these things?
(From The Knights)
HOTDOG SELLER
Hot dogs here! Get your red hot hot dogs!
ONE
Hot
dog here! Hot dog – and political savior!
HOTDOG SELLER
Beg your pardon?
ONE
Just come here a minute and
you’ll find out – you lucky so and so!
TWO
Help him off with his basket while I keep an eye out.
HOTDOG SELLER
Okay,
now what?
ONE
Now celebrate, because soon you’ll be the greatest person in the country.
HOTDOG SELLER
I
appreciate support, even from a nutcase, but do you mind leaving me alone?
ONE
Hold on, hot shot. See that audience?
HOTDOG
SELLER
Yes.
ONE
Well, you’ll be their leader before this play is over, able to command armies and make decisions
of national importance.
HOTDOG SELLER
Me? Really?
ONE
Absolutely. And it gets better. Stand on your toes
and look figuratively all around you.
HOTDOG SELLER
I’m looking.
ONE
Commerce! Industry!
HOTDOG
SELLER
Uh huh.
ONE
Well, it’s all yours. This book says right here, you’re destined for greatness.
HOTDOG
SELLER
You’re making some kind of mistake. I sell hot dogs.
ONE
That’s your greatest advantage for public life.
You’re a nobody, without any qualifications.
HOTDOG SELLER
Woah, I’m no politician!
(from The Rehearsal)
If
in our audience today we find
A benefactor (and we wouldn’t mind!),
Someone whose life gains value in its living
By
lending aid, by charitable giving,
Someone by whose life all our lives are blessed –
To you, great one, these verses
are addressed.
We are afraid that you may take offence
At what is really a coincidence.
You see, in our play we show
benefactors,
Good people, who turn out to be bad actors.
Please rest assured, this liberty is not
A libel, but a
mere device of plot,
A catalyst, a nudge, a scaffolding,
To set in play the changes we will ring.
Why, benefactors
are too scarce to flout ‘em;
We know we’d have to close our doors without ‘em!
As artists, we must always look to you
–
Your giving, and your sense of humor too,
Because this kind of satire has no spark
Unless it glances all around
its mark.
So settle back, enjoy, and when we gaff
A fish or two, please join us in the laugh.
It’s nothing but a
friendly joke we tell;
Remember, please, it’s on ourselves as well!
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